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recently, death keeps revolving around my mind.
not that i want to die.
sure i've moments where i'd think "i want to die please."
but generally, i'm someone who is downright afraid of dying.
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and maybe all this goes around my mind now coz of this one death that happened recently.
i wasnt close to this person. but i know enough people who dearly loved her.
and she was someone i actually had at least some memories with.
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then recently i kept thinking what i always tried to not think for more than 2 minutes.
how will i die, what will happen when i die.
i think more than anything, i'm scared of knowing what will happen after i die.
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okay. lets put the stuff that i was brought up believing aside.
heaven & hell.
do i believe? yes. do i know? no.
case closed.
basically, all these just ended up being thoughts that stuck.
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but today i talked to brendan. my brother's friend.
and for some reason he totally snapped me out of it.
its not like he said something i didn't know. but i did really need someone to just say it out to me.
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why fear for something you don't know when you can enjoy and love something that you know.
and for one thing, thats life itself. right here, right now.
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i know not many people think life's worth living. that since everyone's going to die in the end, might as well make it now and end the torture of living sooner. right? no.
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why not live life to the fullest?
why not live life being happy?
why not just letting the haters do their hating and don't give two shits?
why not just standing up when you fall?
why not let go when you should?
why not take a hold of your life and make it to what you want it to be if it currently sucks?
definitely not easy.
but why not take that chance to make that ONE life you have and give it all you've got?
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so i made that mental note.
janice chian,
stop fearing for what you don't know.
but appreciate life while you have it and make the best out of it.
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right?
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do i sound preachy?
sorry.
i just felt like i should write it all out so that i can remind myself too.
and if i dont make sense, doesnt matter.
as long as it does to me. =D

x